It’s been a year since I broke things off with my mistake (MM) and this year has been full of ups and downs and side way turns. Today marks the day that I told MM we needed to stop and that I broke down and told the husband. MM was shocked and I think a little scared, but he handled the news well. He was so sweet and understanding and respectful of my choice and like a gentlemen he stepped out. We went over the rules that I wanted when it came to US and tried to limit contact at first, but soon learned we were not strong enough to have even limited contact so we cut one another off completely.
“...The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.” (Matthew 26:41)
Finding rules and guidelines was quite the task. There are no articles out there for the adulterer. Anything I found told me it wasn’t my fault it was my husband who was at fault OR my husband was an evil jerk who I should leave for being the cheater. I hate to break it to you but women cheat. We are not untouched by this sin, but it is not talked about. For those of us wanting to fix our mistakes we need resources and they are very limited.
I knew what we were doing was wrong. I knew it wasn’t right and goes against what so many of us believe in. I knew, yet I was developing feelings for MM so when we broke it off it hurt and was so unbelievably hard. I knew I had to. I knew if I wanted to save my marriage I needed to. Yet, I found it so difficult to find support for people like me. How do you write a post about ending an affair. How do you let the world know of your sin. People you know read these! What will they say? Will they look at me differently? Will I lose friends? Maybe to some degree I will be treated differently, but I want you to know you aren’t alone. You don’t have to hurt and hunt for the answers. You aren’t alone. I want you to know that it is not wrong to miss this person. Just like breaking up with a friend or even a boyfriend/girlfriend it is okay to be sad.
Once you realize you should stop, ask for forgiveness. Not from your spouse or anyone else but for yourself. First and foremost you should seek self forgiveness.
Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity.I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the Lord. And you forgave the guilt of my sin. (Psalm 32:5)
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. (1 John 1:9)
What’s that line, Breaking up is hard to do? It really is it hurt, even today I hate to admit this but I miss him, MM. I miss his laugh, the way we would steal glances from across the room, the laughs we exchanged, his sense of humor, and how my heart would skip when his name would pop up on my phone or when we got a chance to see one another.
Cutting the temptation out is the next step. Finding out how much contact you can handle is key. We tried limits and rules; no texting outside of group chats and texts that were only formal and not ‘friendly’ ‘silly’. If we wanted to speak to one another it had to be done in front of other people to help keep us away from any inappropriate talk. However, for us we both lacked serious self control and even these rules started to crack and break and we began to find ways to break them. We had lines and rules and promises but as time went by those lines blurred and those rules became flexible.
Like a city whose walls are broken through is a person who lacks self-control. (Proverbs 25:28)
Those who live according to the flesh have their minds set on what the flesh desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. (Romans 8:5)
For us having the other person within reach, virtually or physically became to much and too tempting so we agreed to forego any and all contact. I informed MM that I had to delete him completely from my phone and all my social media forms; Snapchat, Facebook, IG, and Twitter it was to tempting for both of us.
During my journey for self forgiveness I stitched together a prayer against temptation and I said it every day. I prayed everyday for the Lord to hide him from me so I could not be tempted and if I was a temptation to him to keep me hidden from him as well. I love the power of prayer because it works! I went from seeing this person all the time to never seeing them and it gave me a chance to heal and move on.
I said it’s been a year and just recently did I run into MM. I was able to smile and remain polite and leave the interaction with little to no feelings whatsoever. I know it will take time for me to be completely over what we had, but it is wonderful seeing my growth in the area of self control.
As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance. (1 Peter 1:14)
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