I slipped. It happened so quickly. Before I knew it I was doubting God and it actually took me breaking down to realize that's where my fear was coming from. I spent days trying to figure out where this fear was coming from. I couldn't understand why I kept waffling back and forth, between having faith then having fear. Then during a talk with a good friend I found the root of my flip flopping. My fear came from my complete and total doubt in my savior.
My doubt was in the form of:
He can't win this fight.
He can't change this situation.
He can't move this person.
He isn't big enough.
He will get tired of chasing.
He won't answer my prayers or the prayers of my friends and family.
He will turn his back and just stop pursuing.
Are any of these doubts right or true? Absolutely not! I know none of these are true but it didn't stop me from thinking them. I had someone point out that doubt is our default human setting and I guess that is true. Since the beginning of time man has always doubted if they had enough (I'm lookin' at you eve.)
None of this is true. There is no reason to doubt my God. He is the creator of heaven and earth. Everything I see, touch, taste and hear has been because he made it so. So how could he not be able to handle this? Over and over again the Bible shows me how much he loves me.
He loves me because I love him and because I love him wants me to be happy. He gives me what my heart desires. Psalm 37:4
To have doubt means I did not have complete trust or confidence in God. This smacked me in the face and broke my heart. I WANT to trust him. I WANT to believe he has this under control. I WANT to, yet I slipped. I didn't mean to doubt God. I didn't mean to question him or his ability but I did and all I can do shift my focus back to the truth.
The truth behind my doubts are YOU my God
-are faithful and just to forgive...1st John 1:9.
-care for me..1st Peter 5:7.
-Guard my heart and mind with peace that surpasses all understanding... Philippians 4:7
- love me so much that you sacrificed your only son...John 3:16
-give me a safe place to hide. My
Refuge...Psalm 119:114
-strengthen me...Philippians 4:13
- are abounding in steadfast love... Psalms 86:5
- ARE big enough... Colossians 1:16; Matthew 19:26; and Isaiah 44:24
-are patient... 2nd Peter 3:9
It happens. We doubt God. I needed this smack in the face to remember that he will never leave me. Hebrews 13:5 I AM loved and I AM safe and he is more than capable to win this current fight for me. I just need to have faith and be patient. His timing is never slow it is always perfect.
I try to be strong and pray without doubt and disbelief but sometimes I find that challenging. I am human and I fall just like you do. I have doubt and I have fear, but I am learning that there is someone out there who is bigger than me. Who is stronger than me and who is smarter. I just have to surrender to him and trust in him completely.
So how do I not doubt God? I have to believe he is bigger than my problem. I have to remember when we doubt God we are not trusting him. We are looking him in the eye saying, "I don't think you know what you doing."
