I never fit in. Or at least I never felt like I fit in. My entire life all those little moments where I thought this is where I belong! I was wrong. I never felt right. I never felt like I found my place. I have always felt like I was pretending or I was faking. Like I was someone I wasn't. Do you do that too? Do you ever wonder if you'll ever find a place that you belong. Wondering where do I fit? Where do I belong? I can't possibly be the only one I can't be the only me, can I? A place that you can say this is where I'm supposed to be! This is me!
Recently I found a place where I finally felt at peace. Where I finally felt like there were others like me, if that even makes sense. I felt comfortable. I felt like I belonged and we were all the same. It took me 30 years but I finally found my place! Yes!
Turns out I was wrong. I wasn't broken the right way or broken enough. It hurt and I will miss the friendships I forged, but you know what? It’s okay. Yes, it gets lonely sometimes, it just being me. Being the only one. Sometimes it hurts when I feel like I find a place that I fit and I finally belong and then I realize it's just isn't right and I am no longer part of it. And I'm kind of on my own again. Then I remember it's not all that bad to not fit maybe it's a good thing to not fit. I know not to question when the Lord moves me since I will never understand his understanding. Without question or complaint I will move on because I know I am taken care of.
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,”declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. (Isaiah 55:8-9)
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11)
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:28)
If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you. Remember what I told you: ‘A servant is not greater than his master.’If they persecuted me, they will persecute you also. If they obeyed my teaching, they will obey yours also. (John 15:18-20)
God's timing is always perfect and we may never understand why things happen or why we are put in the positions that we are put in or taken out of the positions that were put in. So I accept my inability to fit. Maybe my puzzle piece just doesn't have a puzzle?
I don't fit and that's okay. The bible says do not conform to this world and I guess me never fitting in is God’s way helping me to not conform. I am not saying I am holy or righteous or above y'all. No way am I these things, far from it in fact. What I am saying is I don't fit and it's okay. I go when and where I am supposed to. Then I am moved.
I probably will never fit. I am always put some where to learn something. Once I learn what I need to I am then moved and every situation is different. Some I wish I would hurry and learn what is I need to so I can GET OUT. Others I wished I hadn't learned so quickly so I could stay. But in every situation I am grateful for the opportunity to fit even if was only for a moment
Do you ever feel like you never fit in?
