The above title for those of you who may not know comes from the popular t.v. show Friends. The character Joey Tribbiani would use this line on any and all females he found attractive and was hoping to pursue.
It comes in unchecked and unnoticed. A little glance at a shirtless man on the magazine cover, glances at the fella down the street. Then bursting in like a lion with flirty repertoire exchanges with someone other than our husbands. *gasp!*
What!? Not I! Don't you know that is wrong? I did, but you know what, I had forsook my husband and this was the result.
I didn't really know I had forsaken him. Shoot I didn't even know what the word meant until I turned in towards my marriage and really started working for it. One night the hubster and I were listening to the audio sermon The Return to Intimacy seminar by Jimmy Evans, he said God Will Never Forsake You Hebrews 13:5–6. Now, here it is 10pm and I grab my phone because here I am and never in my life has someone explained to me what that word meant. The husband laughed at me and told me it didn't mean anything, it sounded made up.
Let me lay it down for you, ready?
for·sake 1. abandon (someone or something). Synonyms: abandon, desert, leave, leave high and dry, turn one's back on, cast aside, break (up) with; 2.renounce or give up (something valued or pleasant). Synonyms: renounce, abandon, relinquish, dispense with, disclaim, disown, disavow, discard, wash one's hands
If this didn't click for you let me tell you a story.
Sarah loves Jim with all her heart and she thinks he loves her. Yeah he tells her but he doesn't really show it. Jim grew up in a house where the parents were not affectionate at all. So for him the words are enough. He isn't sure how to show Sara how he loves her. Sarah isn't much better she grew up in a house where love was overshadowed by screams and violence, but she knows what love can be!
Sarah isn't like most girls. She doesn't get mad at Jim and never tell him, hoping he'll “get it.” Sarah tells Jim her wants and needs and desires. Sadly, Jim apologizes for not doing the things Sarah asks for, but still avoids family time and spends a majority of his time at the mechanics shed where he works.
There is no change and Sarah gets her heart broken again and again. “How come he isn't getting it?”, she asks herself,”I am being clear as day with what I need to feel loved.” Then it happens. Sarah gets tired of chasing and hurting she tells her heart she doesn't care anymore and she isn't chasing anymore. She stops. Sarah has forsaken her husband. She has abandoned, given up.
How many of us are Sarah in this story? I know I was. I washed my hands of my husband at one point and for some time too. After some shaking from the Lord I realized what I was doing was wrong and this is not how God intended marriage to be. So with my head bowed low I confessed my lusts to my husband which he forgave. Fast forward to us sitting bed listen to pastor Evans.
After learning the definition to what it means to forsake I turned to him that night and through tears confessed I had forsaken him on so many occasions. It hurt me to know I had done this to the man I was given to love. It still breaks my heart to this day to know I had done this. It was so easy too!
We get tired of them not trying, we get tired of trying to get them to understand and out of desperation and being tired of getting hurt we stop.
I didn't fall asleep that night. I dove into the word and I learned that it is my job and only my job to love this man the way God loves me. My love of the Lord should be a reflection of how I love my husband. To show him what love looks like. So when my husband hurt me and didn't think he deserved to be loved, I knelt down and I kissed him, ran my fingers through his hair and whispered,”I forgive you and I love you.”
I am loving him the way Jesus would love him and you know what? My guy went from Jim in the story to my lover, friend, and hero.
Don't get me wrong here It didn't happen overnight. It has taken us figuring out what one our love languages are, a lot of patience, some guidance from our wonderful pastor, love maps, couples games, and not to mention face time with the Lord.
We have learned how to love one another and knowing what our love languages are has helped. He gives me my quality time I long for and I send him affirmation texts/notes throughout the day. It takes conscious effort this love thing just doesn't happen.
I have learned that it really doesn't matter how my husband loves me. My focus should be on showing him the love I have for the Father. God can love me much more than that man can and that is okay. I am loved and he loves me the best he knows how. Not to mention the best part is as hubster grows in loving the Lord his love grows for me and I'm getting a front row seat to the show!
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