Letting him lead. Wow. What a concept. I know a lot of us wives long for our husbands to lead us. We want our men to take charge. As a Christian we are taught that our men should take the reigns. Yet sometimes they just don’t and we get hurt, angry, irritated, or resentful.
Now let me ask you a question you might want to think on. Are you letting him? I know we like to think that we are, but really think about HOW you treat him. Do you correct, criticize, or interfere with his choices? If reading this touched a sore spot then you like me are standing in his way and keeping him from doing his God given job. leading his family.
I have cried out that I want him to lead yet I won't get out of the way! When I contradict what he just said, criticize him, roll my eyes at him, interrupt him, try to teach him how to parent or point out his mistake(s), I am in fact undermining him. I am being disrespectful. I am showing him as well as my children he can’t do this job. I am showing him that I in fact don’t trust him. I am showing him and the kids that I am the only one who knows what is best for this family.
If like me, you have tried to justify these actions. You tell yourself you are just being logical, or helpful, or practical. But in reality we are questioning his competence thus making him react badly, and then you can’t understand why. He may get snippy, shut down by watching t.v., or staying out more. He may come home but wont interact with you. You may find yourself getting angry with him for not stepping up when in fact he has shut down out of self preservation. Think about it, if someone jumped down your throat or made you feel incompetent every moment of every day when you reached out to help, you would in fact stop helping right? Just because I think I know best doesn’t mean I actually do. Husband’s parent differently then we do.They have what we lack and we have what they lack. When I start with eye-rolling, sighing, interrogating, accusing or questioning his judgment I am doing nothing but standing in his way which in turn is keeping him from leading. Using constructive criticism, complaining about what he did, or speaking to him with downright rude comments, “being helpful” or doing what the experts suggested by “expressing a concern.” Are all forms of disrespect and dishonor. We as wives are called to respect and honor our men just as we would Christ.
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. (Ephesians 5:22)
It CAN be difficult to let go of control. You may have a knee jerk reaction to jump in and stop him from correcting a behavior you let slide, but don’t. I started to defer my children to dad when he was home from work and even on his days off. With anything from snacks to staying up late I would send them to their father. They didn’t know what to do and gave me strange looks. At first my husband would bounce them back to me but I would send them back and say to him, “whatever you think.” thus giving him all the control and power.
While I am still learning this I am leaning on (Ephesians 4:1-12)
I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit—just as you were called to the one hope that belongs to your call— one Lord, one faith, one baptism, …
So I am breathing and living this daily and you can too. Bearing with one another in peace. If you must fake it, fake it but believe me when I say you can do it and it will get easier. You will find a peace that you will not ever want to let go of. You will soon see that peace will fill you and your house. Your husband will step up to the plate and will start finding his footing and he will begin to lead. You just have to get out of his way.
Was this hard? Heck yeah! Are you kidding me. When he told my youngest he couldn’t have a jelly sandwich I wanted to jump up and tell him it was fine. I’ve given him one before. Why can’t he have one? But that would have been undermining and disrespectful so I just turned my attention to the book I was reading. It is getting easier to watch him take over and I will admit it’s kind of hot. This is still new but the kids are learning that when daddy is home he is the one they run their requests by. Having this has freed me up to do what I want to do! It’s kind of awesome. Plus I’ve discovered I like a man who takes charge.
When we Let them talk without correcting, suggesting, teaching, advising or freaking out we show honor and respect to our men. We all want to be helpful to our husbands, but most of us don’t realize that making helpful suggestions in wife language translates into criticism and disrespect in husband language. When we dishonor our husband we are in turn dishonoring our God.
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.(Ephesians 5:22-24)
Did you catch that? Wives should SUBMIT IN EVERYTHING to their husbands. So how about you? Do you submit everything or just SOME things?
