It's an ongoing thing. Yes Jesus said to forgive but how? What does it mean to ACTUALLY forgive that person. I just had to know! I was reading the Bible when I came across this story in Matthew 18:21-35 and let me break down what I learned.
In Mat.18:21-22 Jesus tells Peter he must for give 70x7 times! I know I know this story, but I never gave it a second thought until I had to forgive some people who really hurt me. I learned that this isn't an actual math problem, but Jesus is in fact telling Peter, forgiveness is an ongoing event. Every time a person sins against you, you must forgive them. We are a broken people and we are going to mess up. Forgive them every time.
But how? This where I always got stuck. Yeah I get it, I have to forgive. Now tell me how. This is where Matthew 18:23-35 comes in and I didn't ever realize this until recently. The king forgave all the debt. Not half, not a quarter of it, ALL of it.
There are times we have someone we are still angry with and we still run the scenario over and over in our minds, or at least I do. We can't say this persons name because we remember all the hurt and pain they caused. You may say that this isn't true, the pain is still fresh and this person is always hurrying you, and you can't help it. Or thinking about it every once in a while isn't the same thing. Hate to break it to you, but by doing these things you are not forgiving them.
To truly forgive we need to let it go. We no longer dwell on it, rehash it, talk about it. We no longer hold it over that person. In other words the signs we've labeled them with are gone. He is no longer a liar, or cheat. She is no longer a *itch, or untrustworthy. Just as the king forgave the servant we have to forgive the people who wronged us.
Now, this is where I think the 70x7 comes in. The enemy doesn't want us to be forgiving. He doesn't want us to live in peace. He is the Prince of lies after all. So what does he do? He waits around for a weak moment. There are times we are tired, or stressed and our walls come down. That is when he tries to stir up our anger towards that person we just forgave. Now, you can either sit and stew, reliving all the ways that person betrayed you, hurt you, lied to you. Or you can remind yourself, you have forgiven that person and shake it off. Forgive them again, and again, and again. Don't let Satan get in your head and or your heart. 70x7 you must fight him off and forgive this person. I promise you will get stronger and it will get easier, and that Devil will have to find another way to break you down.
Shake it off! What? How could I say that I don't know what ___ did?! You are right, I don't, but I do know what it feels like to have your blood boil when you hear their name. I know what it feels like to not even to want to drive through their neighborhood. I know what it feels like to imagine hurting them. I know what it is like to want them to suffer, to be punished. To hurt the way you hurt. It took a lot, and I mean A LOT of face time with God to get through that.
For me it was to realize I am NOT the king in my life's story, and neither are you. We are the servant the king forgave. Now, if we are not the king then where do we get off treating those who wronged us as such? Shouldn't we go to our king and let him dish out what ever punishment that individual deserves? Leave it on the floor of the altar and walk away.
But HOW, Ashley? You still haven't said how? I am going to share with you what I did. If you have a dry erase board or chalkboard, or even your bathroom mirror. Go pick one person you are still harboring anger towards and write down everything that person did that hurt you or offended you. After you have done that stand there and look at it. Now, wipe it off and don't leave any mark behind. THAT is to forgive, THAT is to let go, THAT is what is meant when we say ‘wipe the slate clean’.
I don't recommend burning a paper since there is no evidence of what you just did. We will always see that dry erase board or mirror and be reminded that for that person their slate is now clean, and when Satan comes to say, “ remember how ____”. I can go to that memory and tell him to shove off, I forgave them.
It will take time, the pain and hurt don't just vanish. Another great tip I learned is to pray for that person as you would want them to pray for you. And let me tell you, there have been people on my list who I thought I forgave, but truly I didn't because doing this task made my flesh revolt! But I did it and now I can pray for this person and that person with ease. I still struggle, it's still a 70x7 task. But when I feel that anger rise up I can pull the memory of my little ritual, and I pray for them.
On an ending note I do want to add that forgiveness and trust are two separate things. You can forgive someone of the pain they caused and the hurt they put you through, and never trust them again. Forgive doesn't mean forget it just means we tread more carefully with that person. Trust can be rebuilt but that is for another topic at another time.
