Hello my name is Ashley and I suffer from jealousy. You know, that little green monster who takes over your thoughts and just wants what they have.
Did you know that when most people think of envy or jealousy they think of the popular examples of wanting what someone has. However, wanting the attention someone is giving to another can also cause jealousy.
See, I am jealous of the my husband's, second job? Hobby? I'm not sure what to call it. Any-who, I am jealous of what he gives them. I am jealous over how much time they get over me. I envy the special treatment they get. I envy the papers and articles he reads regarding his job/hobby over the ones I would like for him to read. The articles that mean something to ME.
I envy THEM,The people, who he opens up to when calls are bad or when they frustrate him. Aren't I supposed to be his cheerleader? I'm not weak ya know I can take it. The ones who get to share in that part of his life. I am jealous of the side of him I desperately long to see. The vulnerable side. I envy the fun they have and the inside jokes.
The thing about envy is it also comes with distrust. Why do they get this part of him? What makes them better than me? Why don't I get be a part of the group. What is he hiding? Why doesn't he trust ME?
Don't get me wrong I DO NOT want to spend every waking moment with this man. I love him but couples need separate space. All I want is to be thought of. I want consideration.
To be considerate is: 1) Showing kindly awareness or regard for another's feelings, circumstances,
kind, unselfish, compassionate, sympathetic, caring, polite, sensitive, tactful.
2) Careful not to cause inconvenience or hurt to others.
attentive, thoughtful, solicitous, mindful, heedful.
Now, look before we all start to wonder why my husband is treating me so unfairly I want to clarify that he has answered these for me. He doesn't share the bad stressful calls with me because he likes me happy and light and fears this information would kill that part if my spirit. He IS working on being more considerate about time spent away, and they are not his cheerleaders I still am.
However, this is where the beauty of envy comes in. IT DOESN'T MATTER. Envy doesn't care about logic or truth. It only cares about lies and destruction. This demon sees a weak spot and loves to whisper making the weak spot even weaker! Soon hoping to have a good foothold to build it's stronghold!
If I let envy have the run of my temple, my house, I have a distrust that something nefarious is going on. I even harbor anger and resentment over this job/hobby. Sometimes I think He loves them more then me! Which is just plain stupid.
Do I have reason to distrust? No. Is he perfect? No. Not by any means and neither am I! Are we working on improving as individuals and as a couple? YES! Every day is an effort. Do we have issues that need to be fixed? Yes. Are we working on them? Yes he is working on being more considerate and I am working on fighting back this little devil.
Jealousy leads to bone rot and I don't want that. The only way to overcome jealousy is not with logic but with focusing on God's love for me. I make sure to crash my mental tailspin in the presence of God. I want to be transformed by the renewing of my mind. (Romans 12:2) I want to focus on whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—(Philippians 4:8)
In case your jealousy is a product of inordinate fear or paranoia, use concrete, tangible objects to get outside of our mind, and look to the God who is real, and can be a real help in escaping elaborate and unlikely fantasy. ~ Paul Maxwell. desiringgod.org
I know that whether it is justified or unjustified jealousy I am still loved and will not be forsaken.
What about you? Do you have an area of your life where jealousy rears it's ugly head? How do you deal with that little monster?
